in memory of my fishes

my inspirations for the night

i found this poll and grabbed this pic. hekhek...they're making you choose who among the guys you wished to be single still. there are 4 choices actually i just picked these two. =) victoria and demi are such lucky ladies.
yumminess to the nth level!!! wootwoo!!! =)

my first attempt at macro photography

taken with canon powershot a630 =)

missing my book time

While tinkering on an email ad i discovered a really great site for a book lover like me, Zooba! Only if i have the money to purchase these interesting new titles with some of my favorite authors...hayyy...

• DEAR JOHN by Nicholas Sparks
• DIARY OF A MISTRESS by Miasha
• FOR ONE MORE DAY by Mitch Albom
• THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS by Chris Gardner with Quincy Troupe
• HANNIBAL RISING by Thomas Harris
• THE INNOCENT MAN by John Grisham

heartbreaking

“Some things are just not meant to last. Let’s leave it that way. It’s better that we move on and continue our lives.” Her whispers in his ear were like daggers piercing in his heart.
“It’s over?” He managed to say with his voice shuddering.
“There’s no IT, John. There never was. Nor an US, a WE, or whatever. There never was.” Then she stood as if she never cared. She walked out of the restaurant leaving tears in his eyes. She never looked back. She only hesitated, but never dared. She was afraid she’d be taken aback. She was afraid she’d go back into his arms again. She was afraid she was too weak to resist his love. She was afraid she’d make the wrong the decision.

* * * * *

It was nothing more than friendship. Or at least she thought. She was committed. No, she’s not married or is marrying someone. She was committed to her work, her studies, her family and everything else that she felt mattered in her life. She met him in one of those events that she volunteered to head. Yes, she was fond of doing work. She was very fond of multi-tasking.

It was nothing more than chit-chats over the internet, over the phone or through silly text messages. Or at least he thought. He was only being friendly. No, he wasn’t using her. He was just being himself when they were introduced on a dull afternoon at some convention. They were both committee members, they were both good. He liked it that way, the way he has loads of work to do, the way he has to cram his projects and papers.

Their cliques noticed the spark—they didn’t. They noticed it too late. They noticed it after they decided to deny it. They were protecting their friendship. They were killing the love. They were trying to keep up with their friends’ pressures on them being a couple. They were trying to tell themselves it was nothing. They were thinking it was wrong, it was forbidden. They thought their friendship was perfect, it was not to be thrown away by some silly infatuation. They tried to act normal. They tried harder to hide their feelings. They weren’t progressing, they weren’t very good actors.

She was graduating from college and already had work waiting for her. She thought having relationships would only ruin things for her. She thought it was better to wait. She thought what they had would pass away quickly. She thought it was just a little flame. But deep down, she knew she was beginning to fall, she was afraid of this—this what was she didn’t want.

He was a year younger than her. He thought it would be perfect to be with her but he never had the courage to ask. He thought it was better to wait. He thought it might just be a little less than love. He thought that if he’d give it a little time, it might fade away. But deep down, he knew he had ‘a thing’ for her, he was afraid of this—he was afraid he was actually falling for her.

* * * * *

His car was still in the parking lot and he was still crying. When he left the restaurant, he was ready to forget her; he was ready to resign his feelings. His confession of love wasn’t good enough for her. He thought he ruined everything they had. He thought he was the one who ended their friendship with a stupid ‘I love you’.

She was driving on the freeway with tears in her eyes. Her heart was aching but she didn’t care. She has to make this decision, she thought. She loved him but never had the courage to tell him. She never gave ‘them’ a chance. She thought she ruined everything. She thought she was the one who ended everything.

* * * * *

They were both afraid. They both didn’t want to risk. They thought it wasn’t worth it. They thought it was better to wait. But it was their only chance, it was the only time they had.

They thought they lost something—no, they thought wrong.

It wasn’t theirs in the first place.

###############
Some things are just meant to happen now, not later, not tomorrow--but making it happen relies on us.

They Thought Wrong by katokz from peyups.com

-=000=-

kung bakit ba naman sa dami ng mababasa eh eto pa ang nabasa ko. sadness. at lalong sadness kasi naman kung bakit ba naman naaalala ko ang mga araw, mga bagay, mga moments na ako lang pala ang nakakaalala. yeah kasalanan ko kasi naalala ko. hayyy...

the year that was

As the year ends, i can't help but ponder on the events, things, people, places and what-nots i was blessed with for the past 12 months. On a time like this it is empowering to count your blessings. =) Here's my list:

- roadtrip from vigan to tuguegarao.
- tagaytay weekend with college friends.
- out of town visit to batangas relatives.
- labor day trekking in baguio (1st time in tam-awan village & bell tower while the nth time in the memorable lourdes grotto.
- attending a wedding in binangonan wearing a green gown.
- a day on avilon zoo.
- chinese new year's mass in barasoain church.
- my very first plane ride
- 2 pacu fishes the day before christmas
- horsetail plant that im still trying to grow for a big pot
- my very yummy leche plan =) *got the recipe from my grandma when im still a teen and been perfecting ever since esp now that i have a new patronizer =) want more ayat?
- good old friends (since childhood/hs/college)
- a love life (finally! ahihihi)
- and of course my family

There are still more that made up my everyday life for the past year. I just can't recall them all today. =) I should have continued my things to be grateful for today journal entry so i could remember them all especially the little things.

Oh well, gratitude is always a good thing. Gotta start the year positively. So, to all of you THANK YOU and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! ;-)

16 december 06

Life means missing expected things and facing unexpected things.

-o0o-

loving the sunsets...again...

happy???

first
date
anniversary
to...
me

flat tops anyone?

toothachingly sweet peace offering...trick or treat?!

sleepy me

my throat hurts...huhuhu...
***
been bloghopping again to wake myself up and tadah!! ayat and i's dream car - 2006 SLR McLaren - demmm!!

panda bear bear

been blog hoppin'...saw this...bulaga! =)

did u know:

1. There are as few as 1,600 pandas left in the wild.
2. The giant panda has the largest molar teeth of any of the carnivores.
3. Although classed as a carnivore, the panda's diet consists almost exclusively of bamboo and it usually spends 14 hours a day eating.
4. Pandas stand on their head and forelegs to place scent high up on tree trunks.
5. The forepaws of the panda have an extra "thumb" which, when used in conjunction with its "forefingers," enables the panda to grasp even small bamboo shoots with precision.
6. The panda does not hibernate because it cannot store enough fat on a bamboo diet.
7. Pandas usually roam in the forest, but mothers will stay in caves or hollow trees when giving birth and remain there for three to four months after their babies are born.
8. The giant panda was unknown in the Western world until 1869, when a skin was found by Pére David, a French missionary.
9. Pandas are good at climbing trees. They can also swim.
10. Pandas like to live alone and will not often meet other pandas unless they get together during the mating season.
11. A day-old panda looks rather like a small white rat and weighs about 3.5 ounces, about 1/900 of the mother's body weight.
12. A female panda only comes into season for 72 hours a year.
13. Pandas can live for about 20 years in the wild.
14. Female pandas can start to give birth at 4-5 years old. A female can have 5-8 babies in the wild.
15. Pandas have occurred on earth for over 3 million years. They are called "living fossils" because many species that survived together with pandas in the past, such as stegodon (a big tusked elephant) and Chinese rhinos, are extinct already.
16. It is very difficult to see a panda in the wild because they live in thick bamboo, mostly in old-growth forests - their favorite habitat.
17. There are many other rare animals living in the same habitat with pandas, such as red pandas, takins and golden monkeys.

~~from WWF.org

Endangered species na sila kaya go Adopt a Panda! Punta kayo dito. =) really want one ayat!!!

need to be next to you

Been running from this feeling for so long
Telling my heart I didn't need it
Pretending I was better off alone
But I know that it's just a lie
So afraid to take a chance again
So afraid of what I feel inside

But I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath of you
Oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smile each morning
Look into your eyes each night for the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you, oh I
I need to be next to you
Need to be next to you

Right here with you is right where I belong
I lose my mind if I can't see you
Without you there's nothing in this life
That would make life worth living for
I can't make it if you're not there
I can't fight what I feel any more

Cause I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath of you
Oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smile this morning
Look into your eyes each night for the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you, oh I
I need to be next to you
I need to have your arms next to mine for all the time
Holding for all my life
I need to be next to you
I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
Need to be, need to be next to you
Share every breath of you
I need to feel you in my arms, baby, in my arms baby
I need to be next to you

isang taon na kong puyat

- walang trabaho kaya bigla kong naalala na may blog nga pala akong nde na naaasikaso. napadaan din ako sa peyups. namiss ko nang magbasa ng articles at makigulo sa forums. hehehe...

- galing ako ng ilocos nung weekend. isa sa destination wish list ko yun kaya naman sobrang excited at naaliw ako sa ilang araw na tinagal namin dun. madami din kaming napuntahan na lugar pero hindi ko lubos na nanamnam, kumbaga eh patikim lang. sa madaling salita, bitin. ngayon isa na siya sa gusto ko pang balikan. kelan kaya? hmmm...

- pinakamalayong lugar na narating ko:
coron, palawan
pagudpud, ilocos norte
callao cave, tuguegarao, cagayan

- hindi pa ko nakakakain ng shawarma, ever. matagal ko na ring binabalak-balak bumili pero hindi ko pa rin nagagawa...gusto na kitang tikman, shawarma!!

- i think two weeks ago pinanuod ko yung lake house kahit antuk na antok na ko, badtrip nga lang kasi nde ko natapos yung last 12 minutes. sira kasi yung cd na nagamit ko. bwahaha... kaya pinanuod ko sunod yung il mare. korean movie ito. bale yung lake house ang hollywood version nito. bida dito si sassy girl. same plot syempre magkaiba lang ng mga details. kahit malayo sa katotohanan astig pa rin sa concept. dito rin yata binase ang moments of love. wehehehe...

- meron na kong Naruto episodes 1 - 199!! pero nasa episode 40 something pa lang napapanuod ko. nyahaha...miss ko na mag-marathon. pde kaya ngayong weekend? dattebayo!

- gusto ko nang bumili ng bagong battery at yung 2 in 1 headset na pde sa radio at the same time eh hands free para sa cellphone kong antique na yata. ehehe...naaawa na ko sa tumatawag sa kin lagi na lang napuputol. =)

- andami kong movies at series na papanoorin. wala nga lang time. san ba makakahanap ng time? bigyan mo nga ako.

- kelangan ko nang dumalaw sa cd-r king. madami-dami na rin ang kelangan kong i-burn.

- gusto ko nang ayusin yung latest addition sa shells & pebbles collection ko. galing yun ng pagudpud at bangui bay. =)

- cancelled flight + free 1way ticket to mla-lao-mla or any visayas destination = exciteness! (-_-)

- birthday ngayon ni mama mary.

- gusto ko nang umuwi at magmeme. antok antok antok na ko.

Hang in there...

Without effort, destiny is useless...


-o0o-

bursting with emotions

Kung ako lang ang masusunod
Aakuhin ko ang iyong pagod
'Di ka na muling luluha
Lahat ng 'yong dinaldala, akin na

Kung akin lang ang mundo
Ibibigay ko siya sa iyo

Kung pag-aari ko lang ang lumbay
Itatago ko siya habang buhay
Wala nang inggit, wala nang galit
Paliligayahin kita bawat saglit

Kung akin lang ang mundo
Ibibigay ko siya sa iyo

Kung hawak ko lang ang panahon
Wala nang kahapon at bukas, meron lang ngayon
Nais kong maging saysay ng aking buhay
Ay bigyan ang iyo ng kulay

Kung aking lang ang mundo
Ibibigay ko siya sa iyo

Sa iyo
Tanging sa 'yo (2x)
Kung akin lang (4x)
Ang mundo (5x)
Kung akin lang ang mundo (repeat and fade)

---
Cuida
Sugarfree
Dramachine


***
such a sweet song...haaayyy... =)

anu daw?!

napulot lang po...enjoy!
***

- I won't stoop down to my level.
- Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba? Are you dep?
- 'Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya nakuha yan.
- Eh, ikaw ba naman, durugin ang ari mo... Pag di ka naman manutok ng baril.
- We are lovers, not fighters.
- My brother is not a girl; he's a gentleman.
- That's why I'm a success, it's because I don't middle in other people's lives.
- Don't judge my brother; he's not a book.
- Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same.
- I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival.
- "Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat." (During her acceptance speech at a Metro Filmfest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong Marquez, won an award.)
- Sumasakit ang migraine ko.
- Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!
- "Period na talaga; wala nang exclamation point." (When asked on S-Files if her present husband,Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right.)
- At a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek's mother (whom she partly blamed for the separation):"Oo nga," said Melanie, "pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya." She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, said:"And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. Ang labo mo!"
- When asked for a message to her daughter whowas allegedly abused by their houseboy: "Don't worry little angel, big angel is here."
- On what they should do to the houseboy who molested her kid: "He should be put behind bar."
- "You can fool me once, you can even fool me twice, you can even fool me thrice. But you can never fool me four."
- While waiting backstage during a noontime show, after watching Nikki Valdez do her dance number: "Nikki, you're so galing. You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes"

just smile

things i've discovered today:
- mas mabilis at maayos ang trabaho pag walang makulet na ka-chat. ahihi...=)
- masaya talaga ko pag nakakausap ko yung taong yun. sino?! akin na lang yun! :p
- may mga bagay na takot akong mawala sa akin.. =(

sunday driving

went to the edsa shrine for the sunday mass. twas our first time. i instantly fell in love with the altar. only those who've been there and knew me would know why. ;)

***
sarap pala magsimba pag aircon ang church. ahahaha...ayus!

***
my bratty 5 year old brother in his usual pasaway antics wanted to go out the shrine to play monkey-monkey (read:umakyat at maglambitin, monkey-monkey was his term) in the nearby tree. but my mom wouldn't let him.
"sige, pag di mo ko pinalabas dito, uutot ako!" said the brat giggling.
all those within earshot can't help but laugh.
a terrorist in the making, watch out! :p

***
for the first time in a long while we were able to start and finish the mass. madalas kasi late kami. nakapag-concentrate din ako sa sermon not only because engaging yung sinasabi nung priest but also because lumayo ako sa pasaway kong kapatid. mwehehehe...pansin ko lang, di masyadong kumakanta yung mga tao puros choir lang. mas feel pa naman ang holy spirit pag join ang crowd sa pagkanta. sabi nga ni st. augustine "he who sings well, prays twice."

***
my brother and i went shopping for a suitcase and all i can ask on the salesman who was making a pitch was "waterproof ba yan?". as if the bro would take a ship going to the city of lights. may eroplano na nga pala. :p

it's the weekend and i can't sleep!

yeah yeah yeah. i guess it's the occupational hazard of working night shift. my body is starting to become accustomed to another time zone. so it's the middle of the night, everyone is deep in slumber while i'm here posting. yeba!

it's been a while...hmmm...what have i got to tell...well, i bought a fish today! yep, a goldfish. a hyper, playful, shiny, shimmering fish. hehe. we were on our way home this morning erm yesterday morning that is, when my officemate stopped in Muñoz to buy slippers. there are hundreds of them, slippers but not one caught my attention better than the fishes in the corner of the store. there they are packaged, swimming in circles inside the minuscule space the plastic provides. i hauled each one on eye level looking for nothing in particular coz i really know nothing about them. four to five little fishes in oranges and blacks majored the choices. they all look the same and at the back of my mind they'd prolly die out on me coz i don't know how to take care of those things. i started to gaze away and look again to the variety of slippers as i reached for the last plastic. there it was, a single goldfish amidst the crowd of other fishes. still not knowing how i'll be able to prolong it's life, i paid for it. hasty decision? nahh...you see while looking at it i remembered the insightful conversation i had the night before with someone. it has nothing to do with fishes i must tell you but it was touching and refreshing at the same time, something i never expected. still, what does the fish got to do with it? i have no idea. hehe. no, really, i guess that goldfish signals a lot of things for me personally. changes, risks, lessons and beginnings. pretty deep huh? not really. the thing is, i could learn how to take care of it. i could try at least. coz there's no harm in trying...just a couple of dead fishes along the way i guess. hehe. basta! the fish is a welcoming sign on my new journey to wherever it may lead me. i'm ready.

now, i think i can sleep. c",)

~~~
btw, i named it mac.

lost and found

i lost my favorite hanky. sadness. clumsy me. it is in my favorite shade of green with little bears in it. it's my fault, i admit. jeez. i hate losing something because i know how it feels. i'll be in agony for days looking for it or blaming reckless me. the worst is being reminded of its loss everytime i'll see anything that reminds me of it. argh! that's why i'm so careful with my things. although sometimes however careful i may be, there will always come a moment when negligence slips in and whips havoc on my sanity. but just as what the saying goes if a door closes, a window will open or something to that effect. heh! so after some days of agonizing over the lost hanky, my last lost something resurfaced. that prepaid mrt card i thought i’ve left in the slot on my way out the buendia station on one of my visit to paseo. i was running late that morning, so as soon as i was collected in the office and was able to put my things in order, that card was gone. i’ve searched my pockets, jacket and bag for it. after rummaging through my things i got exhausted tracking back where i might have dropped it. right then i’ve accepted the fact that it was really gone. but i found it today! it turned out that it was inside the secret pocket of the jacket i used that day! how could that happened? when in fact i’ve turned those pockets inside out. weird huh?! oh well, i’m still sad about that hanky. huhu.