You cannot be good enough for everybody,
but you will always be the best for the one who deserves you.
♥♥♥

Maintaining Your Individuality in Love (reposting)

What is the distinction between mature love and a common misconception of what love is: the symbiotic relationship? Mature love is stable, a union of two people who respect themselves and each other. Symbiotic love is needy and dependent. Symbiotic relationships demand that one person has power over another. This results in the loss of the integrity of both partners. Mature love means that both individuals in the partnership have room to be themselves, even while being together. In the symbiotic relationship, one partner is driven by need and fear that the other partner will leave. In mature love, each partner is free and whole, choosing, rather than being driven, to give love to the other partner.

Mature love requires giving your love with no strings attached, with no expectations. Many of us have learned from society that to give means "to give up" or "to give away" -- in essence, creating a deficit in ourselves. Further, we learn to give only as much as we expect to receive in return, lest we end up feeling cheated by giving more. Giving, as it exists in mature love, is quite different from these types of messages we have received. Rather than being seen as a sacrifice or an investment in future returns, giving in mature love comes from a desire to give and an ability to do so. In the words of Erich Fromm, author of The Art of Loving published in 1956, "Giving is the highest expression of potency... more joyous than receiving, not because it is a deprivation, but because in the act of giving lies the expression of my aliveness."

In a symbiotic relationship, one partner gives up a significant part of himself or herself in order to maintain a peaceful relationship. This individual, ruled by a fear of being alone, will sacrifice parts of his or her identity for the sake of keeping the relationship intact. Short-term conflict is avoided, and the status quo is maintained. In the long run, though, there is a price to be paid: the loss of one's individuality. If one partner idolizes the other and is willing to sacrifice himself more
completely, then the other partner has more power and control over the relationship. When the balance of power is unequal, the relationship becomes unsatisfying for both partners; almost inevitably, it ends. There are a lot of people willing to give up an awful lot to avoid being alone. They are willing to give up who they are, what they are, and what they want and need. They are willing to sacrifice their individuality for the love of another.

Any person who is willing to make such a sacrifice lacks self-love, and thus is incapable of maintaining a mature, loving relationship. Self-love is where love for others has to start. Giving up your individuality will eventually come back to haunt you; you will end up feeling anger, resentment, and/or regret. The outcome of one partner resenting the other is the deterioration of the relationship. People need relationships, but they also need to be fulfilled within themselves. When you give up your dreams for the sake of your partner's, you do so at the cost of your own individuality and personal growth.

When you enter into a relationship, it does not mean that your personal life stops. Your life does not totally change because you are with another person. You have to maintain your own individuality. You have to have your own personal goals. You need to maintain the friendships, hobbies and interests that you had before you met your partner. If you give these up for the sake of your relationship, you are giving up your life. When your partner first met you, they were attracted to you as an individual. It's important that you keep your individuality-- that's what attracted your partner in the first place. Maintaining your individuality will enable you and your partner to build a mature loving relationship. Many relationships fail today because one partner has given up too much of themselves for the other. You have to love yourself first, before you can love another. If you enter a relationship and give up all the things that define you as an individual, you are not giving yourself the love that you need. Sooner or later, if you lose your identity, if you stop giving to yourself, you will be unable to give to your relationship. It's important not to confuse identity and individuality with flexibility in your relationship. Individuality is about the things that make you who you are. Flexibility is about compromise. Compromise will always be necessary in any relationship that you have. In order to compromise, you have to be committed to honest communication of your feelings and needs at all times. In building a life together, problems will arise. Problem solving through honest communication is the key to building a mature, loving relationship. Neither you nor your partner should give up anything that makes you the unique person that you are. It's up to you and your partner to find the balance that you both need to succeed in a rising loving relationship.


♥♥♥

better late than never

some people say that they're afraid of falling in love. they fear the possibility of learning to love the person then lose them when the relationship ends.

when i met you, i was fearless. i plunged with my head and heart in sync. i was clueless of what's gonna happen...of what's in store. i remember praying then for guidance on whatever it is that God let me into, that He may led me with strength and wisdom if this is what i have been praying for in a long time and provide me with the same if this is just one of the lessons He wants me to learn.

After two wonderful and challenging years, i am still fearless and learning. Because the experience teaches me a lot not only about love but also about life. yes there were tears, ugly fights, bickering and silence that lasts for days. but what's great about it is we are given the chance to express ourselves, to get to know more about each other and learn together. I believe that trust, respect, understanding, acceptance and contentment are key factors in our relationship. without them we'd be really scared out of our wits, constantly anxious of what's going to happen. also, it is a greater help that you always assure me that you'll always gonna be there for me. i can see and feel it everyday. thank you for loving me the way you know how and showing me that there's nothing to be apprehensive about.

the heartaches and years of waiting was all worth it.

yat, happy 2nd anniversary! iluvu. ♥♥♥

o_0

18 months and counting

a friend's post in her blog:

.. wishful thinking ..

".. I hope the next hand that i'll be holding be the hand that i'll hold for the rest of my life .."

to which i have a reply:

i hope that the hand i'm holding be the hand that i'm gonna hold for the rest of my life. 0_o

tamang inluv lang =)

"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there…because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else-something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize…you're happy."

heartbreaking

“Some things are just not meant to last. Let’s leave it that way. It’s better that we move on and continue our lives.” Her whispers in his ear were like daggers piercing in his heart.
“It’s over?” He managed to say with his voice shuddering.
“There’s no IT, John. There never was. Nor an US, a WE, or whatever. There never was.” Then she stood as if she never cared. She walked out of the restaurant leaving tears in his eyes. She never looked back. She only hesitated, but never dared. She was afraid she’d be taken aback. She was afraid she’d go back into his arms again. She was afraid she was too weak to resist his love. She was afraid she’d make the wrong the decision.

* * * * *

It was nothing more than friendship. Or at least she thought. She was committed. No, she’s not married or is marrying someone. She was committed to her work, her studies, her family and everything else that she felt mattered in her life. She met him in one of those events that she volunteered to head. Yes, she was fond of doing work. She was very fond of multi-tasking.

It was nothing more than chit-chats over the internet, over the phone or through silly text messages. Or at least he thought. He was only being friendly. No, he wasn’t using her. He was just being himself when they were introduced on a dull afternoon at some convention. They were both committee members, they were both good. He liked it that way, the way he has loads of work to do, the way he has to cram his projects and papers.

Their cliques noticed the spark—they didn’t. They noticed it too late. They noticed it after they decided to deny it. They were protecting their friendship. They were killing the love. They were trying to keep up with their friends’ pressures on them being a couple. They were trying to tell themselves it was nothing. They were thinking it was wrong, it was forbidden. They thought their friendship was perfect, it was not to be thrown away by some silly infatuation. They tried to act normal. They tried harder to hide their feelings. They weren’t progressing, they weren’t very good actors.

She was graduating from college and already had work waiting for her. She thought having relationships would only ruin things for her. She thought it was better to wait. She thought what they had would pass away quickly. She thought it was just a little flame. But deep down, she knew she was beginning to fall, she was afraid of this—this what was she didn’t want.

He was a year younger than her. He thought it would be perfect to be with her but he never had the courage to ask. He thought it was better to wait. He thought it might just be a little less than love. He thought that if he’d give it a little time, it might fade away. But deep down, he knew he had ‘a thing’ for her, he was afraid of this—he was afraid he was actually falling for her.

* * * * *

His car was still in the parking lot and he was still crying. When he left the restaurant, he was ready to forget her; he was ready to resign his feelings. His confession of love wasn’t good enough for her. He thought he ruined everything they had. He thought he was the one who ended their friendship with a stupid ‘I love you’.

She was driving on the freeway with tears in her eyes. Her heart was aching but she didn’t care. She has to make this decision, she thought. She loved him but never had the courage to tell him. She never gave ‘them’ a chance. She thought she ruined everything. She thought she was the one who ended everything.

* * * * *

They were both afraid. They both didn’t want to risk. They thought it wasn’t worth it. They thought it was better to wait. But it was their only chance, it was the only time they had.

They thought they lost something—no, they thought wrong.

It wasn’t theirs in the first place.

###############
Some things are just meant to happen now, not later, not tomorrow--but making it happen relies on us.

They Thought Wrong by katokz from peyups.com

-=000=-

kung bakit ba naman sa dami ng mababasa eh eto pa ang nabasa ko. sadness. at lalong sadness kasi naman kung bakit ba naman naaalala ko ang mga araw, mga bagay, mga moments na ako lang pala ang nakakaalala. yeah kasalanan ko kasi naalala ko. hayyy...